Below is a speech at a press conference from the Rt Hon Michael Howard MP:

"Good morning. I say this to voters. No one likes POOR PEOPLE. Just imagine if one lived on your street.

"That is why we are determined to PENALISE these people. But how will we pay for it? By asset-stripping the BBC.

"That’s worth a few votes, surely? Thank you very much and goodnight."

OK, so it’s actually an automatic Tory speech generator. But it’s uncannily accurate, second only to the Blunkett-o-matic. Via.