Election roundup

Well, it appears that it all turned out sort-of-anticipated, but sort-of-not. Specifically, the Libs kicked ass north of Watford, but got their asses kicked south thereof. Shame: I was hoping that places like Guildford would become safe Lib seats in order to annoy the Stupid Party.

As it turns out, my Lib Dem vote share bet will probably make me money; my ‘amazingly low turnout’ bet probably won’t. So I’ll probably be neutral, but pissed off about the way that a gigantic increase in the Lib vote translated into a tiny increase or a decline in their number of seats.

If, in the morning, any of the above looks stupid, then I’ll feel free to change it…

Update, May 6, lunchtime: the Libs have done better than I thought in seat terms. Good. Michael Howard is resigning. Good. I suspect Tony (for obvious reasons) and Charlie (the Lib Dems have become a serious opposition party – and like Neil Kinnock, although he’s done his party a great deal of good, Charles Kennedy is not someone who could be imagined as Prime Minister) will follow suit well before the next election.

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Obey the Law

Congrats to the other interesting independent (not the silly hospitals tosser) Peter Law – a 40% swing is, I think, unheard of…

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Gorgeous George

He’s a cock, but his election will certainly annoy all the right people.

Update: ‘Pete’ at Little Green Soccer Balls says, "The East End has embraced a racist, fascist admiring creep. This says a lot about the people who have moved into the East End, and their moral compas[s]". And he probably doesn’t get the irony, either.

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Holocaust memorial day

The Holocaust was the evilest thing ever (or ‘so far’, if you’re on the pessimistic side of things). Never forget.

But even so, and I’m aware this sounds churlish, I’m not sure why we need two rival annual Holocaust Memorial Days…

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Tinfoil of the day

"I tell you what, I only ever use the Circle/District Line if I use the Tube at all, nowadays, due to ventilation and depth of the tunnels. I try to avoid the Central and Northern lines if I can." – ‘jamesg01′ at Biased BBC.

If you’re as mad as him (and believe the made-up stats of people whose budgets depend on Yarr, There Be Terrorists Out There), feel free to vote Labour. And as always, in the quingillion-to-one chance that I’m caught up in a terrorist attack, feel free to mock…

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Advice for today

If you’re going to vote for a major party, vote Lib Dem. Michael Howard is a vile demagogue, and the Labour Party don’t belive in the rule of law. No matter how objectionable you find the Lib Dems, voting for them is the only non-morally-disgusting major party vote (and if you support a non-major party, a Lib Dem vote is the only way you stand the slightest chance of getting a fairer electoral system and allowing them into the system).

Otherwise, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Nobody’s going to take spoiled ballot papers seriously, and nobody’s going to take votes for the assorted Silly Parties seriously until we do have PR. So, whatever. Vote for Tarquin Buckethead, stay at home, or write "Tony Blair is a knobber" on your ballot paper; it doesn’t make any difference.

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Election surprise!

Hopefully the minor explosion outside the British Consulate in New York is insufficiently election-surprise-y to con anyone into voting for Tony.

If I were investigating, I’d check out the Muslim fanatics and the Labour activists – the only two groups with anything to gain from a Labour victory…

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Knowledgeable commentators

Richard at EU Referendum says, "knowledgeable commentators are pointing to 1970 when the pundits confidently predicted a Wilson victory, only to find Heath standing at the door of No. 10 the next day".

I’m confidently asserting that Richard is a deranged fanatic, not a knowledgable commentator. I also confidently predict that anyone mad enough to believe the Tories are going to win tonight should be sectioned and given extreme ECT.

If I’m wrong, I’ll send UKIP a cheque for £25…

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Tory speech generator

Below is a speech at a press conference from the Rt Hon Michael Howard MP:

"Good morning. I say this to voters. No one likes POOR PEOPLE. Just imagine if one lived on your street.

"That is why we are determined to PENALISE these people. But how will we pay for it? By asset-stripping the BBC.

"That’s worth a few votes, surely? Thank you very much and goodnight."

OK, so it’s actually an automatic Tory speech generator. But it’s uncannily accurate, second only to the Blunkett-o-matic. Via.

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