We have a totally ridiculous story from Oxford, of a student being charged and fined for calling a copper’s horse gay. What a sodding waste of time, and what an utter cock of a policeman. Sadly, none of the articles published on the case reveal the bastard’s name.
Presumably, the reason the peeler took offence is that he regularly fucks his horse, but is a homophobic bigot – rather in the manner of boarding school types who’ll merrily bugger each other but would punch anyone who suggested they were queers. When a passer-by points out the animal’s true sexuality, it becomes much harder for the officer to keep up this heteronomative pretence, and therefore he lashes out.
Coincidentally, I recently received an e-mail complaining about the lack of non-UK access to copyrighted material on a website I’m associated with (as if I had any power to overrule this) which ended with the memorably pithy: "That’s fucking gay. Fuck you Limeys".
Quite how being legally required to respect copyright restrictions (on pain of infringing various contractual agreements that I’d quite like to keep going) is indicative of homosexuality I’m not sure, though I think in this particular case some kind of insult was definitely intended.
I’m very curious as to why it matters one tiny smidgen whether or not a horse is gay, though – presumably a police horse doesn’t get that many opportunities to demonstrate any kind of sexual behaviour, so I’m intrigued to know why the policeman was so adamant about it. And indeed bothered.
Reminds me of the (very) ancient joke from middle-east army days:
"Fotheringay was caught shagging his camel yesterday."
"Really! Male or female?"
"Oh, female, of course, nothing queer about old Fotheringay."
A vice both obscene & unsavoury
Holds the Dean of Balliol in slavery
With piercing howls
He buggers young owls
That he keeps in an underground aviary.
They always were an odd lot at Oxford . . .
I disagree. Had the policeman been caught on hidden camera making jocular remarks about his (or anybody else’s) horse being gay, with the clear implication that it was something to be teased about, he’d have been disciplined, retrained, sent on a course at extortionate cost to the taxpayer, etc.
I see no reason to have one law for homophobic policemen and one for drunken posh twats with friends who used to be head of the junior common room and with the same name as legendary backing singers to the stars.
I agree it’s ridiculous. But in a way, I can’t blame the policeman chappie for going OTT in his frustrated rage.
So JnyB, you’re saying that young Brown should have been sent on a sensitivity course at extortionate expense to the taxpayer rather than banged up in the cells overnight?
And Michael, if you can’t tell when a horse is gay then I just fucking despair. Of course it doesn’t matter, but if it isn’t obvious then you weren’t paying attention.
And Michael, if you can’t tell when a horse is gay then I just fucking despair.
Are we talking unusually flared nostrils and particularly flouncy tails?
Platted mane on a horse with bollocks. It’s a dead giveaway.
Whenever I’ve accused a horse of being gay I can always tell if I’m right by the way it flounces off, dressage style.
Usually you can tell because it’s being ridden by a policeman who is also gay.
You know, maybe it was an English student, and he meant "joyful".
To which I really should add:
Give ’em a mortarboard and they think they’re Dickens.
Stud in the right ear?
(No pun intended with the word ‘stud’, although if I took my time and could be bothered, I could probably come up with something semi-witty. But, then, I went to Cambridge, so what do I know?)
"But, then, I went to Cambridge, so what do I know"
– How to punt a boat after four jugs of Pimms
– That Magdalene and Caius aren’t pronounced how they read
– That you don’t want to live in East Anglia, because it’s sooo boring. And flat.
Have I missed something?
– How to avoid getting touched up by sleazy fat 50-year-olds in Cindy’s.
What’s Cindy’s called now?
"and one for drunken posh twats with friends"
Trust me when I say that Sam is far from posh. I vcan see what you’re saying but don’t be a prat and mess up the issue with ignorant stereotyping.
– How to lose to Oxford at major sports ….
It was a stupid comment. He deserved to get locked up for being incapable of thinking of something funny to say about the police horse. There are standards to uphold, even on Cornmarket.