I’ve recently been working with a very large spreadsheet, which contains far more information that anyone could ever want or need to know about the world market for ice cream. Particularly the most popular brands…

“Acid” is a popular choice in Colombia. The Robin Hood Company’s fine lollypop, of course: Colombians wouldn’t dream of getting involved in dubious druggage. Meanwhile, the Poles prefer “Slime” (maybe it’s an unfrozen brand).

Some more surprising brands come from the Anglosphere. Both the Australians and the Americans enjoy “Eskimo Pie” (I’m sure this was criminalised around the turn of the century); while Down Under they also enjoy “Golden Gaytime” (an ice cream for older queer males?).

I’m going to gloss over the popularity of “Fanny” in Vietnam (it might interfere with my later plans of barrel-based fish shooting), and leave you with South Korea’s “Three Colour Joanna”. References to cockney rhyming slang, Krzysztof Kieslowski, above-average mid-90s punk, playground insults, and about 1000 B-movie characters – all within the name of one frozen dessert. Stand up, Lotte Confectionery Co., Ltd – Shot By Both Sides salutes you.