TV concept

"Secretarian Violence" – secretaries of assorted different colours and creeds viciously fight each other in a pit. Compered by James Spader.

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13 thoughts on “TV concept

  1. Faking It Extreme – like the popular Channel 4 series, but the members of the public have to pass themselves off as air traffic controllers, heart surgeons or members of the elite SO19 Metropolitan Police Armed Response Unit patrolling outside Stockwell tube station.

    Presented by Sue Barker.

  2. Pro-Celebrity Late Night Sudoku, with commentary by Graham Norton and Stephanie Flanders

  3. American Bandstand. John gets shoved into a room of Americans and he has to put up with it.

  4. Band Aid – a global concert designed to raise money for SBBS’ bandwidth.

    Band on the Run – John has to choose between listening to Paul McCartney’s post-Beatles output at ear-splitting volume or fleeing and being hunted down by trigger-happy policemen.

    Touch The Croc – same principle as Dale Winton’s short-lived Touch The Truck, but much more entertaining.

    Extreme Cricket – vastly improved version played on a minefield. Electronic graphics highlight the position of each mine to create extra suspense for the home viewer.

  5. The Old Grey Whistle Test:
    Middle-aged lard arse cockneys try to put on the suit they wore on their wedding day.

    The Weakest Link:
    Chains are attached to each of Anne Robinson’s arms and legs and then each chain is attached to a maddened horse. The horses are then made to gallop off in four separate directions. Which link will be the weakest – the chains or the delightful Ms Robinson?

    Wank of Mom And Dad:
    Children are confronted by their parents who then confess they now wish they’d had a quick one off the wrist instead of the full sex that resulted in the conception of that child.

    Little Angels:
    A fly on the wall documentary about a dwarf motorcycle gang.

    Silent Witness:
    A Trappist monk is the only person who sees a brutal murder.

    Talking Landscapes:
    The hills are alive with the sound of whispering voices, and they are all talking about you. Run away!

    Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook – So Just Fuck Off And Leave Me Alone!

  6. Celebrity Journo Wifeswap:

    Mel leaves legal journo hubby Joshua to spend a week with Tariq, NLR editor Susan makes the opposite journey.

  7. "House of Obsessive Compulsives" – mentally ill people sit in a house while we laugh at them. Presented by a psychologist desperately pretending it has some therapeutic value. Oh hang on …

  8. "Carol Vorderman’s Pseudoscience" – the Countdown brainbox investigates the charlatans who prey on the gullible with products like detox diets and overpriced consolidation loans.

  9. "Decent into the Abyss" – Nick Cohen, David Aaronovitch and Christopher Hitchens go potholing in Derbyshire.

  10. Strictly Kamm Dancing. Nuthin’ but Oliver Kamm, doing the twist, boogaloo, mashed potatoes etc for two hours. With music by the Pogues.

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