As evidence of how minimum sentences are a wrong-headed idea supported only by lunatics and fascists, I cite Mr David Walker of Dinnington, South Yorkshire.

Mr Walker unwisely drank 16 pints of lager (I imagine Carling or similar; if he’d been a real man he’d’ve been on the Duvel). Even less wisely, he then proceeded to shoot himself in the balls with a shotgun.

I suspect this may have taught Mr Walker his lesson.

Nonetheless, under blind cunt David Blunkett’s new gun crime policies, the judge sentencing Mr Walker for illegal gun possession was obliged to give him the five-year minimum term anyway.

Never mind the BBC, I want to stop paying taxes to fund this ‘tough on crime’ lunacy (which, rather like airport security and chip-and-pin cards, is entirely made up to appease stupid people. In this case, people who are stupid enough not only to believe the risk of crime is significant, but also that draconian punishment is the best way of stopping it).